Food = fond memories

This, of course, is our first Christmas without Mom and it's been an interesting time. We're dealing with the ups and downs of grief and figuring out communication and responsibility distribution along with the extra hullabaloo that Christmas brings. We've still had fun with the holiday, but it does bring up memories and it's been difficult with such a huge, obvious vacancy in the family and preparations.

Anyways, while trying to plan some of our plans.... :-) I thought it might be nice to make the breakfast casserole that she would often cook for Christmas breakfast. I'm sure there's a million other recipes out there like it and it's not that uncommon of a dish (it's pretty much a glorified egg bake), but this casserole was delicious and pretty much a Christmas tradition. So, after checking to see that there weren't any other breakfast plans that I would be disturbing if I made this, I determined to find the recipe and have it for tomorrow's breakfast! Well... I didn't realize exactly how well loved the cookbook that contained the recipe was until I finally located it and had to pull it out of the cupboard in sections. It had once been a very nice spiral-bound book, but after much use the binding had broken, reducing it into a bunch of loose pages of which now some were missing. Including most of the index. :-p Well, I was determined. So I spread the pages across the table, sorted them into numerical order, and started flipping through them one by one by one...... Hmmmhmmmhmmmm.......... And eventually found it!!! I was so happy I had to share it. :-) Well, I also put it in a document for easier access in the future, so it was easy to put up on my blog.

So, with no further ado, here is the breakfast casserole made famous by Jeanne Hazleton (and submitted to the cookbook by a Martha from Muskogee, Oklahoma) :-)

1 lb sausage
8 slices bread, cubed
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms (we occasionally omitted these)
3/4 cup half and half
1 1/4 cups milk
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp mustard
5 eggs, slightly beaten
Salt and pepper to taste

Brown sausage in skillet, stirring until crumbly; drain. Sprinkle bread cubes in an oiled 9x13-inch baking pan. Layer sausage, cheddar cheese, swiss cheese, and mushrooms over bread. Combine half and half, milk, eggs, salt and pepper in bowl; mix well. Pour over layers. Chill overnight. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 - 45 minutes or until set.
Yeild: 15 servings

Works very well to prepare Christmas Eve then throw in the oven before stockings on Christmas morning (we usually do stockings, breakfast and cleanup, the presants). It makes an easy, filling, warm breakfast with practically no prep on the actual day.

To share or not to share....

Last Sunday I (along with a few of my family members) attended a "Dealing with loss over the Holidays" class. Oh joy. I actually did want to attend and was interested in seeing how helpful it would be, but the minute we pulled up, I wanted to turn around and go home. My skepticism and apprehension flew through the roof when, the minute we were out of the van, we were greeted by the "welcoming committee" who cheerily informed us which building the class was in, that there were goodies awaiting, and that he was very glad we came. A sentiment I certainly didn't return. (No I wasn't rude, I just didn't share his cheeriness.) When we actually entered the house, we were greeted by smiling, organized sign-up tables and name tags (two things I rather dislike). After signing up and leaving every check box blank, to ensure I didn't receive any newsletters, I scooted over to the most inviting looking thing in the room: brownies and coffee. While loading myself up, and discreetly surveying the territory, two friends of the familys, caught my eye and we exchanged pleasant how-do-you-do's. Oddly enough, seeing them there (along with two other friends I saw while signing up) was somehow comforting and helped me feel more at ease. Maybe it's because there's strength in numbers, or perhaps it's just because misery loves company. Either way, it reminded me that we were certainly not alone in all this and we're not the only ones who may have a cruddy Christmas.

Feeling not quite as annoyed with the whole setup, I made my way over to our seats and settled in for the introduction and "educational" movie. In the introduction we were informed that there were tissue boxes scattered throughout the rows of chairs, and that we would be watching the movie, then breaking up into small sharing groups. "Okay," I thought, "I can do this. Watch the video, take notes, then go sit with a group and sip my coffee instead of opening up. There's absolutely no way I'm sharing with a bunch of strangers." And so was the attitude I entered into the the evening with.

The movie was terrible. Almost entertaining in it's impersonal, superficial, instructional manner. Well, I'm generalizing. The testimonials were informative, sometimes humorous, and encouraging. The host and hostess of the movie were horrible. So sad. At that point I was wondering if the share time might be the easy part. The movie finally finished and we were told to break out into small groups. Now we had to choose which group we wanted to get stuck with. Fortunately, two female friends of ours went to one group, so, to evade as much awkwardness as possible, we joined that group. As everyone was getting settled in, the "leader" started going around and moving people to different groups to even them out. Because a few of us wanted to stay together, our group ended up being just us Hazletons and our friends. The facilitator was a stranger to all four of us, but it was comforting being at least acquaintances with the other ladies.

Then started the questions. You're not supposed to feel pressured to share, and you can remain silent the whole time if you so desire, but such was not the case. We basically went around the circle with each question, "allowing" everyone a chance to share they're answer. A very awkward silence, accompanied by anticipating stares, would great you after each question. My resolve to be silent didn't quite work out. In fact, I practically did the opposite. Perhaps it was the slight familiarity with the other ladies, or the opportunity to talk without being interrupted, or the assurance of confidentiality for the evening. Or an intoxicating mix of all three. Whatever the reason, the result was an adequate, heartfelt answer to every question put to the group. I was a bit shocked. Also encouraged. I was able to let off a little steam, learn a bit from the other ladies (including the facilitator), and my own issues were put in perspective (some shouldn't have been as huge, others were justified).

To wrap this up before it becomes a three volume fiction novel, I'll just say that I was encouraged with how the evening went after I let go of my prejudices and decided to make the best of it. Yes, it was still rather lame at parts and I don't recommend it for everyone. But I gleaned some out of it (for instance: the first year is sometimes the easiest, it's often the next few that are the most painful). It helped springboard some discussions at home. It also helped us make sure we were all on the same page. Could I have managed just fine without it, probably. But, again, I learned a bit from it and I believe the things I did hear will help me cope through the next several Christmases and holidays as well, as the one that's just around the corner. All in all, I'm glad I went, if for no other reason, to be a support for my family that also attended and enforce that fact that we are a family, we're in this together, and we're going to support each other through this, as long as we're all here.

And that's that.

Merry Christmas!

A Martha Stewart Thanksgiving

A little ways back, I put in my facebook status that I was finding inspiration for my Thanksgiving brunch from marthastewart.com. It became a bit of a joke between me and a few of my friends. While I do not support everything Martha does, I do (unfortunately) think she has some good ideas and I did get just what I wanted from her site.

Thanksgiving was a bit interesting (and we were very apprehensive about how it would go over) this year. It took awhile to figure out what we wanted to do and even longer to actually plan on what we would do. We ended up settling on a brunch with Nicole and Christopher (as they were invited to their "other" family's for dinner), hang out at home, then do a family dinner. I took charge of the brunch and Dad handled the dinner (as it involved the turkey which is a more manly dish he's always enjoyed preparing). I honestly didn't have the slightest idea what to expect from myself (or any of us) emotionally or physically. Even though she did a very good job training us kids in the ways of the kitchen and even very much involved us in cooking holiday meals, Mom always headed up and planned everything. We would lend creativity, ideas, and help where needed or directed. Because we now had to figure out who was doing what and what we wanted to do all over again, we all pretty much set our expectations to zero so that whatever we did, there would be no disappointment. We also allowed ourselves lots of leeway and flexibility to do whatever activities we wanted (a.k.a. we didn't plan anything) so if someone needed to crash, they could crash, and if someone wanted to party like it was their birthday, they could crash. ;-) Just kidding.

Anyways, I think we all ended up pleasantly surprised with how well the day went. Instead of becoming a basket case every time I went into the kitchen, like I was expecting, I had a very convenient and long burst of enthusiasm and energy and was able to turn out a really nice brunch (with help!!!! Dad was an angel in the kitchen and did all my dishes!) It was so fun. The menu I had chosen was filled with all kinds of fancy sounding dishes, but it ended up coming together very quickly and easily, and, with the additions that Nicole and Christopher assisted with -hot cider, grapes, and fruit salad- we were blessed with a very large, very delicious spread!

*Quick note: The point of all this is in no way to brag or show off! I was very encouraged by the fact that we were able to have such an enjoyable Thanksgiving and I just wanted to share that with you. If I'm coming across as a show off, give me a good smack next time you see me. ;-)

Sarah took some photos of the day, and while most are goofy ones of tired looking people relaxing in their home which I'm not going to share with you, she got some good ones of spread in the morning which I put below. We didn't end up with much to show for the dinner as we were all tired and very full at that point and didn't have the energy to pull out the camera for more shots.
The dinner menu (which, again, was all Dad) consisted of:
The essential (and very tasty) Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Cranberry Sauce (which Nicole actually made for us)
Green Beans
Sparkling Cider (always a must)
Pumpkin Pie and whipped cream
Pumpkin Souffle

It was quite tasty.

(Those were some flowers I found at Fred's to help with the decor. I really liked them. :-))

The brunch menu was a bit more complex sounding:
Hot Cider (compliments of Nicole)
Coffee (mostly drunk by me)
Pomegranate-Orange Juice
Popovers - mini and regular (for fun and variation)
Cranberry Butter
Grapes
Fruit Salad (both also thanks to Nicole)
Broccoli Cheddar Quiches
Pumpkin Bread Pudding
Sausage

The highlight of the menu, personally, was the pumpkin bread pudding. The pudding itself had absolutely nothing to do with pumpkin, but you actually hollowed out a pumpkin to bake the pudding in, so you end up with a really fun presentation! You can kind of see it in the picture below:


The individual set up:

The mini popovers. :-) They were as tasty as they were cute.

The bubbly.
It turned out to be a really fun, relaxing day. Maybe our Thanksgiving was a bit more Martha Stewart this year (which I really don't think it was), but who knows, maybe next year we'll go for a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving feel.
:-)

Complaints and thanks ;-)

Since this is a private blog, if you're reading this, you know me well enough to know that my mom passed away on March 27th, and you've probably heard an earful or two about how I've/we've been since then.

First, I'd like to thank you for sticking around and listening when I do vent and try to figure out how to "move on" from here. A few of you have been through similar experiences, so you have a pretty first hand idea of what it's like. As you can I'm sure relate, it's difficult to know how much venting will help, who you can open up too, how much you should open up, what you need to keep quiet about and work though on your own, etc. etc. etc. And, even if you haven't lost a mother, everyone has been touched by some tragedy or hardship at one point or another -they've had to work through it, lean on God, trust Him- and they've used everything they learned through that experience to help me (and I'm sure others) grow through this. So, to all those who have listened, encouraged, prayed, help shuttle, played and laughed (terribly important!), been there to do whatever, whenever, ...THANK YOU! Thank you. Thank you! Thank you! :-) We've been blessed with many incredible friends and acquaintances and I'm so thankful for all of you!!!!

Now, no, I'm not a Pollyanna, and not everyone has been amazing.

*This is my complaint part. You've been warned. ;-)

People aren't perfect and everyone I know happens to be human (though, some still have me wondering). It seems there's always a certain balance of good and bad in life, and that is no less true with people. Sometimes people just don't get that you don't have any emotional energy to lavish on them and they continue to demand it. Some will grieve "with" you, when all they're really doing is grieving on you (I've had a woman literally cry on my shoulder. Not cool). Others seem to think that talking about how hard it's been for them to live without Mom will in some way console me. (Umm, yeah. If I'm having a hard time as her daughter, I'm not going to be able to listen to how hard a friend of hers has it. Totally different ballpark as far as grief goes. And, yes, the loss of mom has made me rather selfish on issues such as these, but I've also been told that that's to be expected and quite okay. I certainly hope it is.) It's not that I don't like to talk about Mom or have her talked about. We talk about her all the time. Sometimes with tears, sometimes with laughs, sometimes quite normally. And we usually don't mind hearing her talked up. ;-) There's just a very solid reason I'm occasionally see a counselor/friend to talk through things: so that my friends don't have to hear all my troubles! I sometimes wish that people would show the same sort of consideration to me and my family.

It's been an interesting time to get through.

All that said, I do feel blessed to be surrounded by so many good friends and thoughtful people. Einstein said "Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the first." While I very much agree with this saying, I think there should be one more thing on there: God's grace and love (okay, that's two). Every time I start to hit bottom, God always pulls through in some way, and it's usually through a friend or acquaintance. It's encouraging to witness how much he cares about us through His daily proof. Yes, it's been hard and I still wonder why it had to happen to her and in this time frame, but I know that it breaks His heart to see us grieve and He comforts us as much as He can and as we let Him. I'm very grateful for the comfort that He's sent my way. :-)