Last Sunday I (along with a few of my family members) attended a "Dealing with loss over the Holidays" class. Oh joy. I actually did want to attend and was interested in seeing how helpful it would be, but the minute we pulled up, I wanted to turn around and go home. My skepticism and apprehension flew through the roof when, the minute we were out of the van, we were greeted by the "welcoming committee" who cheerily informed us which building the class was in, that there were goodies awaiting, and that he was very glad we came. A sentiment I certainly didn't return. (No I wasn't rude, I just didn't share his cheeriness.) When we actually entered the house, we were greeted by smiling, organized sign-up tables and name tags (two things I rather dislike). After signing up and leaving every check box blank, to ensure I didn't receive any newsletters, I scooted over to the most inviting looking thing in the room: brownies and coffee. While loading myself up, and discreetly surveying the territory, two friends of the familys, caught my eye and we exchanged pleasant how-do-you-do's. Oddly enough, seeing them there (along with two other friends I saw while signing up) was somehow comforting and helped me feel more at ease. Maybe it's because there's strength in numbers, or perhaps it's just because misery loves company. Either way, it reminded me that we were certainly not alone in all this and we're not the only ones who may have a cruddy Christmas.
Feeling not quite as annoyed with the whole setup, I made my way over to our seats and settled in for the introduction and "educational" movie. In the introduction we were informed that there were tissue boxes scattered throughout the rows of chairs, and that we would be watching the movie, then breaking up into small sharing groups. "Okay," I thought, "I can do this. Watch the video, take notes, then go sit with a group and sip my coffee instead of opening up. There's absolutely no way I'm sharing with a bunch of strangers." And so was the attitude I entered into the the evening with.
The movie was terrible. Almost entertaining in it's impersonal, superficial, instructional manner. Well, I'm generalizing. The testimonials were informative, sometimes humorous, and encouraging. The host and hostess of the movie were horrible. So sad. At that point I was wondering if the share time might be the easy part. The movie finally finished and we were told to break out into small groups. Now we had to choose which group we wanted to get stuck with. Fortunately, two female friends of ours went to one group, so, to evade as much awkwardness as possible, we joined that group. As everyone was getting settled in, the "leader" started going around and moving people to different groups to even them out. Because a few of us wanted to stay together, our group ended up being just us Hazletons and our friends. The facilitator was a stranger to all four of us, but it was comforting being at least acquaintances with the other ladies.
Then started the questions. You're not supposed to feel pressured to share, and you can remain silent the whole time if you so desire, but such was not the case. We basically went around the circle with each question, "allowing" everyone a chance to share they're answer. A very awkward silence, accompanied by anticipating stares, would great you after each question. My resolve to be silent didn't quite work out. In fact, I practically did the opposite. Perhaps it was the slight familiarity with the other ladies, or the opportunity to talk without being interrupted, or the assurance of confidentiality for the evening. Or an intoxicating mix of all three. Whatever the reason, the result was an adequate, heartfelt answer to every question put to the group. I was a bit shocked. Also encouraged. I was able to let off a little steam, learn a bit from the other ladies (including the facilitator), and my own issues were put in perspective (some shouldn't have been as huge, others were justified).
To wrap this up before it becomes a three volume fiction novel, I'll just say that I was encouraged with how the evening went after I let go of my prejudices and decided to make the best of it. Yes, it was still rather lame at parts and I don't recommend it for everyone. But I gleaned some out of it (for instance: the first year is sometimes the easiest, it's often the next few that are the most painful). It helped springboard some discussions at home. It also helped us make sure we were all on the same page. Could I have managed just fine without it, probably. But, again, I learned a bit from it and I believe the things I did hear will help me cope through the next several Christmases and holidays as well, as the one that's just around the corner. All in all, I'm glad I went, if for no other reason, to be a support for my family that also attended and enforce that fact that we are a family, we're in this together, and we're going to support each other through this, as long as we're all here.
And that's that.
Merry Christmas!
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