Wise words

I found this little instructional years ago (I've no idea where) and thought this was one of the best things ever. Sarah just now unearthed it while she was digging through piano music that we haven't touched in probably ten years. Reading over it again, I found a few truths missing, but on the whole, it's a pretty cute, accurate little verse.

Preserving A Husband

Be very careful in your selection. Do not choose one too young and take only such varieties as have been raised in a good moral atmosphere. When decided upon and selected, let that part remain forever settled, then give your entire attention to preparation for domestic use. Some wives insist on keeping them in a pickle, while others are constantly getting them in hot water; but this only makes them sour and hard and sometimes bitter. Even poor varieties may be made tender and sweet and good by garnishing them with patience, well sweetened with smiles, and flavored with kisses to taste; then wrap in a mantle of charity, keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. When they are prepared this way, they will keep for years and improve with age.
Author Unknown